How do you heal when it’s someone close? What if it’s a Christian who knows better? My cousin says they should, “Put their big girl panties on and grow up,” but I think it starts with us, “Take up your mat and walk – away!” Use these pointers to help you forgive, heal and walk away with your head held high!
My children suffer from a lack of knowledge…
Are you holding an old grudge over how someone treated you or harboring feelings from past times they hurt and used you? Let it all go. Even if it’s a thought from the past about what someone did or said, Jesus wants us to forgive and walk in love. As hard as it is sometimes to let go of the pain and feeling of “Not fair,” or “But they…” do it anyway. God knows all and sees all and the goal is to walk in love, forgiveness and healing so you can receive from God. You can’t receive if you’re feeding bitterness, anger, resentment and any hostility tied to old pain. Those are serious blessing blockers, and while you might not realize it, the devil knows exactly how to get you to sit in misery – through hurt pain from those close to you. That’s what he tried with me.
Love your neighbor as yourself. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who spitefully use you.
I went through this once with a fellow Christian and family member who tried to use the Word against me. They acted out, used me left and right, lied to cover up what they were doing, tried to belittle me through fear to get their way and despite me stating the obvious as I started to realize what was happening, they denied it time and again – and this was someone I trust and love and family wouldn’t do this, or so I thought. I went to the Lord in prayer – and in tears because now I was dealing with someone who was quoting scripture to me and treating me badly, but making themselves look good in front of others at my expense. It was verbal abuse and bullying, and I was tired of it. The Holy Spirit told me to walk away. I did, and I did something else, too.
The greatest of these is love…
TD Jakes had a message on about cutting the enemy off at the head once and for all. Of course he used the message of David slinging the rock at Goliath, so I talked to my relative – after I had a chance to spend time in the Word. I didn’t want to react in the flesh the way they were coming at me with arguments, yelling, empty threats and so forth. I let them know a few key changes I was making in my life. My relative and dear friend had a habit of denying everything to try to make me bring up the past and then they would accuse me of bringing up the past and throwing it in their face – how many times have you heard that?
Here’s the other thing, when you’re dealing with Christians who go by ‘forgive and forget,’ that doesn’t justify the behavior. An abusive spouse can’t slap a wife and then say, “Jesus forgave and forgot, so should you. He also said turn the other cheek” That’s how people try to manipulate the Word and it ain’t working here. As my cousin says, “Nope, put those big girl panties on and walk away.” The person has to accept the behavior, seek counseling and so forth.
With my relative though, I was seeing classic psychological issues and I wasn’t sure if it was a biploar, manic depressive, split personality, Jebusite accusing demon or all of them rolled into one, but I knew like in the story of David, I wasn’t going to stand around like Saul and continue to be intimidated by their taunts – notice I said they because the devil can come in many forms. What I did though, I’m kind of proud of; not in the fleshly sense of pride – because I didn’t tell the person off, which I’m sure is what the devil was hoping for because he loves derision in the family, but I walked in love and said the following after some time had passed:
“Whether you choose to acknowledge what you’ve done to me or not doesn’t matter, God and Jesus know all and see all so if you choose to lie or not, acknowledge your behavior or not it no longer matters. For me to continue to walk in love, because I am not going to block my own blessing, I am distancing myself from you. I am cutting this off at the head and will be separating myself from you. I can still love you from a distance. If God tells me to move in your direction I will obey, but because you have shown me that I cannot trust you with my heart, my spirit, and my emotions, I am walking away as the Holy Spirit told me to. I am not afraid of you, and I am letting you know that you will not come in this direction with the attacks again. I pray you acknowledge with God and Jesus what you have done. I love you and I forgive you, but I don’t have to keep sitting in this pain, hurt and heartache with you attacking me. I also don’t refuse to forgive because that’s not from God. What I’m refusing to do is fall for your nonsense again. I’m taking up my mat and I’m walking away.”
Love one another as I have loved you. Jesus
So that’s what I said and what I did and everyday I have to remind myself not to look back or think about it, but to only see love and forgiveness, and you can do it, too. My relative has been trying in subtle ways to get back in, to say sorry, etc., I’m just over it. Old things are passed away, right? The point is you have to cut that thing off at the root, but keep in mind, it’s not the person, it’s the devil trying to attack you through them. Remember also that when you have a BIG calling on your life, the devil will come through those closest to you to try to hurt you in the biggest ways he can to get you to attack another person and walk out of love – which is so not-Christ like, but he’s hoping that he can push you in that direction. Don’t fall for it. Get up, take up your mat and walk away. I choose love and I know you do, too. Love your neighbor, love yourself and love having that peace of mind that you don’t have to put up with the attacks of the enemy ever again!
You are forgiving and good Oh Lord, abounding in love to all who call on you. Psalm 86:5
Remember your conversation is not with that person, per se, but you’re letting the devil know you’re cutting him off at the root/head. Just be cautious in dealing with the person that brings or causes the most pain or heartache because the devil knows the triggers you’ve reacted to in the past and may continue to try to hurt you through them, but again, keep your distance and walk away. Your life is more important and if the Holy Spirit can tell me to walk away, go put a movie on and walk in love, so can you! Don’t let anybody block your blessings or ability to hear from God. You are stronger than that!
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